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I ask a lot of people what they need. It is always asked in the understanding that I can’t provide what they need but still, I ask anyway! So, for example, think about something you can’t or won’t do that you wish you could do. Now what is it that you would need to be able to do that thing right now?

Interestingly one of the most common answers I hear to this question is ‘reassurance’. This interests me.

Reassurance, for me, must come from someone else, it is not a self managed thing. To be reassured is to have someone else tell you that your decision, choice, action or behaviour is ‘right’. For the more linguistically minded, if you even look at the word ‘reassurance’, the ‘re’ part suggests that the assurance was already there, you were just looking for external validation on what you already had decided anyway. Why do that? Why not just decide and be confident?

It’s intriguing to me how much we look outside ourselves for validation and reassurance that we are ‘right’ when everything we need to know we are right is there inside us. That validation or that reassurance merely triggers a feeling inside you that you had access to all the time, you had just decided that you weren’t allowed to switch it on by yourself!

So where do you look for reassurance right now? Is there anywhere? And why? Is it too big a decision, too big a risk, too much for you?

Can I add in here, i believe it’s good to ask for advice, it’s good to take counsel but the final decision is, and always will be, yours.

Ask yourself, what do you need to be able to make that decision now? And what would you do, right now, if you had it?

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