There is a concept in psychology called ‘secondary gain’. Basically it means that the person is getting some sort of benefit from the problem they are trying to get rid of. It’s a big thing in addictions. Think of how many smokers you know that want to give up but keep on smoking, standing outside offices and pubs hating their habit while indulging their habit. Can I add, this is true of all the folk addicted to food and all the other things we enjoy hiding in as well!
It’s fascinating to think that the problem you have been trying to get rid of is actually still their because somewhere, deep in your unconscious, the problem is meeting a need. A need you may not even know you need!!
Maybe it makes you feel wanted, or special to be the way you are? Maybe it makes you feel safe or hidden? Maybe it simply makes you feel loved and wanted, one of our most primal needs. (I’m feeling deep tonight, can you tell?
Anyway, there is a couple of simple questions you can ask to have a wee explore of your unconscious and discover your deep needs. Ready to go mind blank for a few seconds? OK, here we go;
‘Who are you without your problem?’…
‘What is the purpose of your problem?’…(stick with this one past the first answer, which will likely be ‘nothing’ or ‘pain’)
The great thing is that, once you find it, it tends to go away and so does your problem. I mean like ‘Abracadabra’ going away so it’s worth exploring.
Anyway, be honest with yourself and enjoy doing mind magic.