I was doing some proof reading last night on some of the wife’s uni work, a big whopper of a 5000 word essay on Inclusion in the Scottish Education System (I know, check her!). It made me remember when she first started uni back in the day(!), in those days I almost helped her rewrite whole essays because it was simply something she had no experience of. Now, she’s a massively accomplished essay writer with a First Class Honours Degree and all sorts of accolades. So you think she’d find essay writing easy now, wouldn’t you?
How many times a day do you doubt your ability to do what you are doing? Doesn’t matter what it is, just think to yourself, how many times do you tell yourself that what you have just done ‘isn’t good enough’ or that you don’t have kahunas of sufficient size to be able to do the task that is in front of you to a sufficient standard?
It’s interesting how many people I meet who are awesome at what they do but spend more time telling themselves how sh!t they are than actually noticing and accepting that the evidence points to them being really quite bloody good. There are loads of these crazy self sabotaging routines, this is just one of them. The sad part of it is it often results in people stopping doing the very things they are awesome at and totally passionate about because they are so scared of doing it wrong they’d rather not do it at all! That’s ruddy mental!! It’s another string of the ‘settling for second best’ bow just because it feels nicer to do what we know.
Sometimes, as the famous Marriane Williamson quote says, the thing we are most scared about is accepting how amazing we can be. Most people I meet who self sabotage in this way desperately want to accept how good they are, they demonstrate their skill and expertise almost ever single day to an awesome standard yet hold themselves back from allowing themselves to believe in their own awesomness (if it’s not a word then it bloody well should be).
Here’s a quick example, I used to DJ and I remember always talking about the ‘curse of the tape’. This was when I’d been mixing away, absolutely killing it and then switch a tape on to capture it and, in that instant, the whole set melts away, my ears don’t work anymore, the decks are moving at their own speed and after 45 mins I’d switch the tape off and never listen to it again because I’d decided it’s total crap. 6 months later I find the tape, listen back and realise just how good it was. Why did I have to wait? Because I was too busy telling myself how badly I was messing it up to realise how much I was getting it right. Sound familiar?
Anyway, I thought my wife’s essay was amazing. I felt quite emotional reading it as I remember those first tentative steps and now read 5000 words (that’s about 12 pages btw) that only need a wee comma here or a wee spelling check there. I look forward to the day when she realises just how good she is.
I wish the same for you too.
Accept your talent, don’t play small just to make yourself feel better.
Go be awesome and maybe you’ll cock things up. But that just means you can become even more awesome and then we can all swim in a sea of awesomeness together.
Chief Awesome Grinder